


heaven help us

by dead sea (teenagefgt)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Daddy Cas, Demon Dean, Demon Dean Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Manipulative Dean, Mentions of Cancer, and i have so many ideas, i haven't figured that out yet, i swear a lot and that leaks into my writing, lowkey its implied that Castiel's wife died, maybe demon sam too, there will be a lot of swearing, this has been sitting on my computer forever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9101497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenagefgt/pseuds/dead%20sea
Summary: Castiel always wanted to have kids, so when he married a women who already had a three year old daughter, he didn't care that Claire wasn't his. He loved her like she was his, because she was. He raised her. Then, she was diagnosed with Leukemia and the doctor's did everything they could but they were going off false hope.Castiel refused to lose someone else. He turned his back on the God he prayed to every day and night, the God he loved so passionately, the God that never listened and never cared, and sought a different path to help his daughter.That's how he met Dean.





	1. prologue

The hospital room reeked of sanitizer and lost hope. It seeped into Castiel's pores and clung to his bones like a giant fucking leech that he couldn't shake and it made him sick. All he did was shuffle his chair closer to the bed and grip her hand tighter, though. He didn't care how he felt. He was here for her.

"Dad?"

"I'm here." He gripped her hand tighter.

"Am I going to be okay?"

There was a sharp pain in Castiel's chest, a burning behind his eyes. She sounded like she was five years old all over again, when her mother first died. When she was collapsed in Castiel's arms, sobbing and sobbing, not even really fully aware of what had happened. That little five year old had backed up and wiped her own tears away and looked at him. _Am I going to be okay?_ She had whispered and Castiel could only nod, _You'll be okay._

He gripped her hand tighter as he spoke, "You'll be okay, Claire."

She tried to look at him, tried to open her eyes. They were so glazed over, it looked like she was looking right through him. Like he didn't even exist. That was when the tears started to fall.

"Are you lying to me?" She whispered, blinking slowly and trying to focus on his face.

He didn't want to nod, but it happened. She's smarter than that. There is no point in lying, not right now. But she didn't notice him nod and he doubled over as a sob raked through his body. Pressing her hand to his forehead as he continued to grip her weak hand, Castiel wept.

That was the day that Castiel lost faith in the God he believed in so passionately.


	2. Chapter 2

He found himself at his church, late after mass, sitting in the empty hall.

Castiel sighed deeply as he looked up at the beautifully stained glass window in front him. The setting sun poured through the window, casting shattered sheets of colour across the worn carpet. He gazed around the cathedral as he slumped down into the hard pew he was sitting on. His mind was running wild with thoughts and his bones weighed him down heavily. Time flew by and he lost track of how long he was sitting there for.

Eventually, he slowly dropped onto his knees and folded his hands over the pew in front of him. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against his fingers, trying to still his shaky breathing and his trembling bones.

Tears burned at the back of his eyes as he thought of how he's let down Amelia and he can only think that if there was a God, he would not let this happen to Amelia's little girl.

His little girl.

"I have always been faithful," Castiel began, as the first tear spilled over, "Even after you took my Amelia from me, I had said to myself,  _God always has a plan_. If it was her time, then it was her time."

The tears were falling free now, and it took all of Castiel's effort to choke back his sobs as he prayed, "But Claire is only 12."

Castiel sucked in a trembling breath and tilted his head back to look at the alter at the front of the hall. There was a small Crucifix sitting in the middle of it, parallel to the chair that Father Comeault sits in during mass. It was worn out, the old wood it was made of chipping and fading. Staring at it for a moment, Castiel tried to compose himself before he continued to speak to his God.

"If you're out there, I'm begging you. Help my little girl, God. Please."

A heartbeat of a moment passed and Castiel stood. He was losing what little faith he had left in his God.

Wiping away the stray tears on his cheeks, he turned and walked out of that cathedral.

As he crossed the threshold and made his way to his car, he left a piece of himself in that building. A piece of himself that he won't really notice is missing for a while, but it leaves a gaping hole in his soul.

He won't miss that part of himself.

* * *

 

The next day, Castiel was back at Claire's side in the hospital around 10 am.

He had brought some of her favourite food, although she didn't look to be in any state to eat yet.

Claire was never much of a reader, never able to really sit down and focus, but now, she lives for when Castiel brings books and reads to her. To hear her dad's voice, and the intricate story that he delves into so effortlessly. To hear the way he gets so into it, he mimics the voices and talks with his hands and gasps when the characters gasp and wipe away fake tears when they cry. She lives for it. It's what makes her days okay while stuck in the dreary white hospital room.

This time, Castiel brought _Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone_.

He said they were going start that series soon and finish it, right up to the last book. Then, they were going to watch all the movies. He spoke like she was going to live long enough to do all that with him.

 _Harry Potter_ was Castiel's favourite.

As Castiel settled into the chair beside Claire's bed, he grabbed her hand and gripped it tight.

Claire gripped back, but it wasn't as strong as it used to be. Her head lolled to the side and she smiled weakly at Castiel as he glanced up at her.

"Read to me, dad."

Smiling, Castiel leaned over and brought his daughter's hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles, "Of course, angel."

It was 2 in the afternoon and Castiel was only half way through the book when Claire fell asleep.

Until that moment, Castiel had no idea how far gone his daughter really was. She would _never_ fall asleep on Castiel. Ever.

Carefully, he put the book down and got up, fixing Claire's blanket to cover her more on his way out. Making his way into the hallway, Castiel caught up with Claire's doctor that was making her way down the hall. He tapped her on the shoulder and pulled her off to the side, asking in a low voice how Claire's progress was coming along. Instantly, the doctor's face scrunched up into a pitiful expression and she sighed.

"Mr. Novak, Claire isn't making any progress."

Anger flared up in Castiel's chest, licking at his bones like he was burning from the inside out, "That's a lie."

"We are still trying everything but her body is no longer responding to the treatments."

Without even thinking, Castiel reached out and grabbed the collar of the doctor's coat, and pulled her close, hot breath puffing against her cheek. Rage was radiating off him in waves and fear gripped onto his soul and squeezed, "You _will_ save her."

Roughly, he let go of the startled doctor and backed up. His pale blue eyes narrowed at her as she shook her head, took a deep breath and mumbled out, "I'm trying."

"Try harder." Castiel demanded, then spun on his heels and stalked back off to Claire's room. She was still out cold, so he gathered up all his stuff, threw on his beige coat and left his little girl to sleep for the rest of the day. There was nothing else he could do.


	3. Chapter 3

Claire's 13th birthday was slowly approaching.

Two weeks, to be exact, actually.

Castiel was in a bar, drinking away his frustrations. This day marked the one year anniversary of Claire being diagnosed and he'll be damned if she doesn't live to see her next birthday, but he has no idea if she will. The doctors are surprised she even made it as far as she did.

As Castiel downed his third scotch, a man plopped himself down on the chair beside him.

Glancing at the man curiously, Castiel gestured for a forth drink and downed that really quick, too.

"Drinking away your sorrows?" Came a gruff voice, with a sarcastic lilt to it.

"Is it that obvious?" Snapped Castiel.

The man laughed and ordered a double scotch on the rocks, "No. But I could smell your pain from miles away."

With furrowed eyebrows, Castiel turned to face the man. Confusion fell over his face like a shadow and the man looked back at him with a smug smirk. The man had the brightest green eyes with the longest eyelashes Castiel had seen on both girl or guy.

The bartender came by and poured Castiel a fifth drink but Castiel didn't notice. He narrowed his eyes at the man and spat out, "Who the fuck are you?"

The man shifted on his seat and threw his arm over the back of his chair, his body relaxing as he leaned closer to Castiel. He made dead on eye contact with Castiel, his green eyes piercing him and burning his soul. But then, suddenly, the man blinked and his eyes were the darkest pure red that Castiel had ever seen. Castiel nearly fell off his chair in shock, and he crossed himself, mumbling a prayer under his breath. His heart rate sped up and he broke out into a cold sweat, glancing around at the other people in the bar.

"My name is Dean. And now, you reek of fear."


	4. Chapter 4

The room was filled with the sound of rustling paper as Claire's doctor flipped through all the paper work on her clipboard.

Castiel was sitting beside Claire's bed, her hands gripped hard in his trembling fingers.  For the first time in a long time, she gripped his hands just as tight and that gesture in itself made Castiel hope. They both stared at the doctor with gleaming eyes as she pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows.

"It seems to be a miracle." The doctor announced, finally, words floating through the tense room.

Claire perked up, hope seeping in her voice as she asked, "What seems to be a miracle?"

"Other than the weight loss you've suffered, your body has no trace of Leukemia at all. You're perfectly healthy."

Without any control at all, Castiel broke down sobbing and pulled Claire into a crushing hug.

* * *

 

_"Are you a demon?" Castiel asked with a shaky breath, his entire body trembling with fear, and his eyes burning. His breath was coming in shallow gasps and Dean let out a low, menacing, chuckle._

_Castiel tried to calm down, but dear God, was he ever terrified. Yes, he does believe in God. Yes, he believes in the Bible. Yes, he knows of demons and the creation of them, but never once, in his entire life, did he consider they were real. The Lord's prayer was stuck on a loop in his head, and he watched Dean's eyes blink back to the ever enticing green that first caught Castiel's eye._

Our Father who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be thy name;

_"Come on, Castiel, there's no need to be afraid. I won't bite." Dean smirked at the terrified man, "That is, unless you want me too."_

_Straightening back on his chair, Castiel fixed his posture, and went to grab his drink. His fingers were trembling so bad that his scotch nearly sloshed over the side and soaked his hand. Dean laughed, a charming laugh, and reached over. His skin was as cold as ice as he grabbed the glass from Castiel's hand and put it down. Swallowing his fear hard, Castiel looked over as Dean continued,_

_"Pay your tab. I want to talk."_

Thy Kingdom come,

Thy will be done,

on Earth as it is in Heaven.

_"I don't understand." Castiel choked the words out as he got his bill and paid his tab._

_With a smirk, Dean paid for his drink too, but he didn't even need to get his bill for that. One drink and a small tip in a bar like this would be less then ten dollars, but Dean left ten anyway. To be honest, that kind of surprised Castiel. Why would a demon have money? And why would they have any need to pay for shit? He's a fucking demon._

_Or, maybe, he's just a sick man that's playing a twisted joke on Castiel._

_A man that Castiel has never seen before in his life._

_A man with pure red eyes._

_A man that already knew his name._

_Castiel's head was spinning with everything that just happened in the past 10 minutes. How can ones life change so quickly? Dean looked over his shoulder and his dark red eyes were back. A smirk was playing on his lips as he made eye contact with Castiel. When he caught the distraught look in Castiel's pretty blue eyes, he threw his head back and barked out a musical laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners._

Give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our trespasses

_Following the demon slowly, Castiel glanced around, praying to the God that doesn't listen for someone to notice the trouble he could be in. However, the only person who looked his way had the same type of eyes as Dean, just black instead of red, and the same smirk._

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

_The moment Dean and Castiel stepped outside, Castiel sprinted toward his car. It was half a block away but he kept his eyes trained on it, his heart hammering in his ears. He'll be damned if he continued to talk to this thing. This demon. When he finally reached his car, he fell against the driver side door and fumbled with the keys as he tried to pull them out of his pocket. His hands were shaking way too hard to be able to handle anything._

_When he finally got into his car and was able to get the key into the ignition, Castiel ripped down the road, watching Dean in the rear view mirror. He hadn't moved a single inch from when Castiel ran. The demon had a smirk on his face and it twisted Castiel's stomach into knots._

_Castiel put his eyes on the road, releasing a sigh._

_"Miss me?"_

_The panic that ripped through Castiel caused him to nearly swerve off the road. He looked to the passenger seat of his car, only to see Dean sitting there, putting on his seat belt. His mouth was twisted in a mock of a smile, and Castiel wanted to sob. Why him?_

and lead us not into temptation

but deliver us from evil.

_"Castiel Novak. I just want to talk."_

* * *

 

"If you don't mind though, Claire, I'd like to keep you for an extra few night's. Just to be sure."

Claire pulled away from Castiel with a jolt, and stared at the doctor, a look of complete disbelief on her face, "If it means that I'm healthy, then yeah!"

Refusing to let her go, Castiel's arms tightened around his little girl even more as she replied to the doctor. He looked at her with a relieved expression and asked if he could stay with her for those few days.

Smiling, the doctor responded with a light hearted, "Of course."

* * *

 

 _Castiel wasn't even sure where he was driving to now. He was going to go home, but now that Dean was in the car with him, he's not sure what to do._  

_It didn't help that he was intoxicated._

_And it sure as hell didn't help that there was a demon sitting beside him telling him that driving drunk isn't a good idea. He's a demon, what does he know?_

_Castiel eventually made it to a vacant parking lot that looked like it belonged to some elementary school. There was a large brick building with huge ominous dark windows and a run down play structure sitting between a field and a basketball court. Definitely a school._

_After trying to sort out his thoughts, Castiel stole a glance at Dean and asked again, "What are you?"_

_Dean shrugged, "You got it right earlier. A demon."_

_Letting out a shaky breath, Castiel very slowly wrapped his fingers around the door handle, "What have I done? Why won't you leave me alone?"_

_Undoing his seat belt - Castiel noted here that he didn't even put his on - Dean leaned across the car and tilted his head, looking upon Castiel with a curious expression. He pursed his lips and pondered for a moment before responding. Castiel was tensed, ready to throw open his car door and run, if needed._

_"I told you. I could smell your pain from miles away. That's my job." Dean finally responded._

_Castiel almost let his grip on his door handle loosen in surprise, "Your job?"_

_Wiggling his eyebrows, Dean answered, "I'm like a... salesman, down in Hell."_

_Scoffing, Castiel rolled his eyes, "And why does Hell need salesmen?"_

_Dean leaned back a bit, squaring his shoulders and narrowing his eyes, "See, here's the thing. I know you're struggling with something big. And I can fix that -" Dean paused here and inclined his head, watching Castiel's reaction very intently, making sure he was still interested, "- Whatever it is. You just need to promise me something. Pay me, if you will."_

_At that moment, Castiel raised his hand to stop Dean's short_ _explanation, "Let me guess. My soul?"_

 _He was hoping Dean would deny that, would say_ no no no, nothing like that - blah blah blah. _But he didn't. He just smiled at him, this dark twisted smile that made Castiel squirm and replied, with venom dripping from his words, "Yeah. Normally, you would get ten years - a lifetime - to live out what you ask for. And then, you would be dragged to Hell." He paused again, looking like he wanted to say more, but needed to be prompted too._

_So, stupid Castiel prompted him, "But?"_

_"But I like you. So, I'll keep you off the radar of my boss. I'll give you one year, and instead of going to Hell, you..."_

_Dean trailed off, this time in thought. His head tilted to the side again and he licked his lips. Castiel swallowed hard, his blue eyes glazing over as he zoned out, waiting for Dean to continue. He doubts he'll actually make this deal, but he's drunk so he'll listen._

_"You become mine."_

_Choking on his words, Castiel actually did lose his grip on the door handle this time, "What?"_

_Dean dropped his head as he let out a laugh, "You'll be my bitch. Still kicking around up here. You'll live as long as humans normally do, with your wish granted but when I come back - and I_ will _come back - you'll do as I say. Everything."_

_The tone in Dean's voice posed no argument, no matter how much Castiel wanted to argue. He wanted to kick and scream and cry. He wanted to throw open the door of his car and run until he couldn't feel his legs. He wanted to sink into the leather of his car seat and disappear forever. But instead, he did the stupidest thing, and asked, "Can you cure my daughter of cancer?"_

_"Of course."_

_"And grant me enough money to pay for her hospital bills and all the debt I'm in?"_

_"Easy."_

_With a heavy sigh, Castiel looked out the window and rubbed his hands over his face. He was defeated, absolutely defeated. He just wanted his little girl to get better. He wanted her to have all the things a girl should like a crush on a boy at school and a bedroom she can decorate to her hearts desire. He wanted her to get her license and go on dates and road trips and go camping. He wanted her to have her first kiss and her first drink and her first job. He wanted her to make memories._

_There have been no miracles for her so far - only Dean._

_If God won't help Claire, then so be it._

_"All right. How do we do this? How do we seal this deal?"_

_Castiel didn't see the dark look that flashed through Dean's eyes, but if he did he probably would've completely backed out._

_"Gotta seal a deal with a kiss."_

_It was 11:58pm on a dreary Thursday and Castiel was sitting in his beat up car at a park, kissing a man with the greenest eyes he'd ever seen._

_He hates himself for liking it._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its so short pls dont h8 me

There was a shallow knock that resonated throughout the house late at night. It sunk into the bones of Castiel, weighing him down as he checked the time.

Another knock echoed, and the floorboards rattled under his feet, the walls started to close in.

Another knock and before Castiel could fall into the panic attack that was building up, Claire yelled from the kitchen, "Dad, someone's at the door!"

His body lurched and his mind came to a screeching halt. As Castiel began to run from his room, he nearly tripped down the stairs.

"Claire, what are you still doing awake?!" His voice was strained and his pale eyes were wild.

Claire scoffed as she watched her dad frantically rush into the kitchen, his socks sliding against the tiled floor, "I'm almost 14." She had the attitude a normal teenager was beginning to develop at her age, and Castiel was both happy that she was given the chance to get to this point, and scared because puberty is always a terrifying thing to go through. How was he supposed to understand a teenage girl on his own?

There was another knock, and the two of them glanced at the clock on the old, beige wall.

11:59 pm.

Castiel's blood ran cold.

"Go to your room. Now." His voice steeled over and his eyes darkened with fear.

Claire suddenly tensed up, finally realizing that her dad was really freaked out, "Do you know who that is?"

Opening his mouth, Castiel tried to force out some form of lie, but the words got stuck to the back of his throat. They tasted sour.

"Go to your room."

Claire threw her hands up as an exasperated sigh ripped past her lips, "Fine. Whatever."

After a brief moment, Castiel heard her bedroom door slam shut and he made his way carefully toward the front door.

Another knock resonated, a hard rap against hard wood, and Castiel could see a pair of red eyes peeking through the small window in the door. His shaking hand clasped around the cold knob and fear rippled through his bones as he turned it. He held his breath, his chest aching with this dreaded confrontation.

It's been exactly one year, to the very minute.

He swung open the door quick, like ripping off a band aid, and Dean was staring right at him with a small smirk.

"Good to see you again, Cas." His breath was hot, laced with gin and malicious intent, "As pretty as I remembered you to be."

As he spoke, Castiel's breath stuttered in his chest and his exhale came out shaking, panic boiling in his blood. His eyes traveled down to see the blood that Dean was covered in. Thickest around his ankles, splattering up and covering his fingers and arms. There was dried blood caked under his finger nails, crusting over the hairs on his arm and caking up in the bend of his elbow.

Castiel was so shocked at the amount of blood, he almost didn't register the dead body that Dean was dragging along by the hair.

"I need you to bury something for me, dog."


End file.
